Hello all. I’ll keep this one short and sweet.
Recently I’ve been grappling with how to balance all the things that I want to experience in life – along with the intricacies and complexities that come with that endeavor – and find the optimal balance between control and surrender.
Lately my mind has found a resurgence of motivation, clarity, and focus. On the other end of the polarity, my heart, body and soul have been both challenged and nourished through friends, healthy routines, meditation, and all the small blessings of our day to day.
When I’m most honest with myself, I start to notice my desires spontaneously unfold as soon as I release my attachments to them. I found, after much internal excavation, that every one of my desires is just a variation of a single, universal drive. We can call it love, intimacy, or union. All of our behaviors seem to blossom from this common root, no matter how it may appear from the outside.
This can be for anything, whether we crave affection or sex, or want a sugar rush from a piece of chocolate, or seek inspiration for our next project. Everything we do is a messy attempt to inch closer towards our most essential self…to “calibrate” closer to our natural balance and frequency. Even the behaviors stemming from our fragments, pain, and darkest shadows are merely misguided attempts towards our truest potential.
‘Cuz in the end, aren’t we all just trying to feel good as often as possible?
But whenever we try to over-control our behaviors or environment to “achieve” this state of being, or forcefully try to quiet our monkey mind as it yells obscenities at us about how we’re doing everything exactly wrong, we end up depleting our inner peace…eventually pushing the very thing that we want to experience further away from us.
And all this, for what??
Well, I could go on for pages and pages explaining it, but since neither you or I have much time right now, I’ll offer the rest of my thoughts through verse. It’s a re-write of a poem that was inspired by a friend that I met earlier last year.
The Intangible Self
I care not the numbers slyly trying to define you.
The ecstasy of “knowing”; its tantalizing sweetness…
How crafty, they seem, upon first glance.
Until we taste the truth upon their disappearance.
For a moment , we play
liberated from labels,
free from the burden of being or becoming.
But could perfection itself be measured and played?
Like an instrument that harps from a silent muse?
For I’ve waited my whole life
to have that conversation:
one that defies logic yet speaks it so flawless
It was then, I found, your intangible self
The forever moment of your hopeful gaze…
The gleam in your eyes like a newborn fawn’s…
But the feeling vanished
as soon as it came –
When I tried somehow to make it mine.
Lifeless, it was, ’til I let it go.
Free from my grasp, it bubbled back into being.
Entwined, we were, for the smallest moment.
As our finicky footsteps
surrendered to music.
There, we stood, taking one last glance:
“the excruciating beauty by which
you and I experience the world
had awakened the treasures between
our memories and begging bodies…”
and we felt the impalpable touch for the very first time.
Sending love to All.